In the next week I will hit my one year mark away from the bedside. It’s really hard to believe it’s been that long. In some ways, it’s been shorter. In some ways, it’s been longer. I have been a nurse for ten years. During this time- I experienced so many beautiful moments. Moments that I’ll hold close to me forever. There were also hard times. Short staffing, toxic environments, abusive patients, mean nurses, all took it’s toll only my mental and emotional health.
I did two years of travel nursing during the pandemic. My last contract, I began to develop debilitating symptoms of depression and PTSD. I wasn’t getting out of bed, I had trouble showering, I didn’t find job in anything I did. I finally reached out for help and through the support of my husband and family- realized it was time to walk away from the bedside to focus on my own mental health and healing. I deserved time to heal my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
To read more about my choice to step away from the bedside- Stepping Away from Nursing
You deserve to put your mental health first
One thing I really learned in my year away is- you deserve and you should put your mental health first. I was worried about money (which is valid), not doing my part helping during the pandemic, sticking to the career I loved, the list goes on. In the past few years I really started to think I would just stay bedside, at least PRN, for most of my career. I love taking care of patient and families. I love the staff and teamwork of working bedside. The adrenaline. But things change, and it’s okay to adapt to that. You deserve to take care of your health.
You are more than a nurse
I don’t think I realized how much of my self worth I had put in my education and being a nurse. I spent years in nursing school, years working as a nurse. I loved working at the hospital, being a travel nurse, it was something I was really proud of. When I found myself telling people I wasn’t working as a nurse- it was hard. Being a nurse was a huge part of my identity. Through therapy and self growth- I was reminded I am more than a nurse. I am a complete person without working as a nurse.
Nursing can look many different ways
Nursing does not have to be clocking in for a 12 hour shift at the hospital. I knew this, but I was really reminded of it after developing long haul and not being able to return to work. I consider my work with Nurses Supporting Nurses, the organization I founded to provide mental health and wellness resources to nurses, nursing students, and CNAs, to be some of the best use of my nursing skills and experience. I am honored to hold our weekly support group. I now also have a job doing in home medicaid assessments, another new way to be a nurse that I am really enjoying. There is so many opportunities outside the bedside, and if you are needing a break or a change- I highly recommend looking into them.
Chronic Illness is a long and hard journey
I was diagnosed with Covid the beginning of January and after was diagnosed with long haul covid. I have been to the ER, cardiologist, started medication, and had a wide array of symptoms that limited my physical capacity. It’s been a difficult journey, especially when combined with depression and PTSD. But I’m learning to find a new normal and I hope to continue to make improvements in both my physical and mental health.
You are Not Alone
If the support group I have facilitated for the past 7 months has taught me anything, it’s you are not alone. In your worries, stress, struggles- other people are feeling the same things you are. Almost everyone in our support group is actively looking for other jobs or has changed jobs. We all have struggled with the stress of the pandemic, short staffing, and just life in general. If you are a nurse, CNA, or nursing student, we would love to have you join our support group.
Nursing is hard. It’s even harder during a pandemic. Short staff, supply shortage, emotional trauma, the list goes on. And it’s okay to say- I need a break. That may look like cutting hours or changing jobs. Please take care of you. You deserve to feel happy and find peace.