Life Update November 2023- Grief and Mental Health

Hey, friends. It’s been so long since I have been in that space. It’s no secret my mental health has been a struggle all my life, but especially in the last few years. Recently, I said good bye to my grandfather, “Pappy.” It’s come with a lot of feelings.

My sister and I recently spoke about how surprised we both were at the amount of grief and pain we had with the passing of Pappy. We knew it would be hard, but we have been very lucky to have gone 30 & 32 years of our life without much loss in our family. I have multiple friends that have lost parents, so I found myself comparing grief and feeling the weight of a grandparent at 32 should be less than a parent. Which in some ways may be true, but we were close to our grandfather, and it’s a great loss that comes with great pain. I find myself being caught off guard with the idea that my grandfather isn’t here anymore. And it hurts, it almost takes my breath away. It doesn’t seem possible to not have my grandfather here with us anymore. And my heart hurts for all who loved him. Especially my grandmother, his wife of 70 years.

There also has been happiness to come with the grief. The loss caused me to reflect on my time with my grandfather. I was blessed with someone who loved his family. Who taught me the value of hard work and dedication. Who was there for me throughout my childhood and my adult years. I’m so thankful to have had such a loving and amazing grandfather. It something I will forever cherish.

Along with grief, my mental health continues to be a struggle. I found myself in another depressive episode. I started to see the signs, sleeping more, showering less (gross but true), fatigue, and just feeling down. Before I knew it, I was back in the darkness of depression. Not as bad as other episodes, but bad nonetheless. Most my energy was spent making it through the work day before coming home to my bed/couch for the night.

However, I’m starting to see the light again and I’m back to feeling like I can take be proactive in caring for my mental health. The other side of grief is once your start to work towards the other side, it’s a great reminder of enjoying the time we have here. I decided to set a few small “November intentions,” something I haven’t wanted to do in a long time. I’m hoping these will help me to continue to care for my mental health and have more good days then bad. I’ll talk more about these intentions in my next post.

Overall, life is good. I have been busy with work. The weather has been beautiful here the past few weeks. Bradley surprised me with a weekend in St. Augustine for my birthday. We went to a wedding in Texas in October that was both fun and stressful (airport delays, crammed pack schedules, and little sleep.) But it was great to see friends we haven’t seen in a while and see one of our best friends get married. I definitely feel the weight of working without many breaks recently and I’m hoping we squeeze in a relaxing vacation soooooon.

How have you been? I would love to know in the comments- I have missed you!